its been the longest time since i've been compelled to write. Never really needed to especially when things are going good and life is keeping you too busy to think. But then just out of the blue on one extra ordinary morning you get a phone call that changes that day , and more so life - irreversibly. You know in your heart that things will never be the same again.. it will become a fact that will never change..you know that this is was always going to happen and you've been waiting for this with bated breath but when you actually hear it, it doesnt register. You feel that if you believe it it will become real...like if you refuse to it would cease to be true.. and then its followed by flashes of memory, when your brother was born and how they named him, you were only four and half then but those memories seem like yesterday...especially when they were both alive and happy and were following all the rituals that old people do... the paan and the katha and the other old fashioned tools to baptize him....
and then you shirk them off and say I shall work today and forget not think. but there you are infront of the screen and their is a picture of what would be happening.. you have managed to stay out of it...conveniently...you think that if you dont have to see it first hand you will always think that she is still there like she has been for the past thirty years...its one of those facts of life that you opened your eyes to....and while in the past you have moved to countries and cities and grew distant you know that you were related in unbreakable ways.
then why is it that sitting here i can imagine what they must be doing there. I can imagine her frail structure wrapped in white sheets...mom said she looked pure what we like to call nuur in many ways....

why is it so easy to bury other peoples grandparents but not yours....